5 Things to Do on Valentine’s Day as a Widow or Widower

This morning I dropped my youngest at school and trotted away slowly becoming more and more aware as I passed a trickle of boutique shops of a familiar recurring theme – that bastion of awkwardness, that yearly problematic device. OH GOD YES! VALENTINES DAY.

Now I am one of those who appreciates Valentine’s Day if I am in a relationship. But if I am not in a relationship I don’t bother with it. I see it as something for couples or a good time for a single person to tell someone they like them and use the day as an excuse for boldness if it all goes tits up. As an aside, when my late husband and I were getting together I had some reservations because mine wasn’t a clear cut situation. He told me “Time is short and you are hot!” which is a phrase I do believe I will utilise with some lucky chap in the future 🙂 Because it is true! Moments are not really there before they are gone. Memories last forever but moments? All complications can be dealt with. Carpe Diem my friends!

Anyway, as I digressed there – Valentine’s Day. It may not bother you. You may be in that place where it does not register – it’s either too early or you have been through so many single Valentine’s Days that you don’t give a flying F anymore.

But if you do and it is bothering you then please consider the following:

  1. Although it is lovely to think of someone else, to share an evening and some gifts with them why not share an evening with yourself and keep all the presents? If you can’t go out why not get the best comedy you can find, your favourite drink, (mine’s a Baileys thank you), chocolates or takeaway or whatever. Bath – early night – anything you personally see as luxury. I see five minutes to myself without kids asking me for food as luxury 🙂
  2. Go out with friends. Whoever is not coupled up or busy. Go out.
  3. Volunteer yourself for the day or evening. Anywhere that has zip all to do with the day itself such as a food kitchen or a charity shop. Lend yourself and your energy elsewhere.
  4. Cry. Cry and cry if you need to. Tears are nature’s anaesthetic.
  5. If you have kids make them the focus. And I don’t mean send them mystery cards in the post. Make it a day to celebrate love of all kinds. Maternal or paternal love is important – kids and their emotional wellbeing is highly important. If you can’t treat yourself yet then treat them. They are already down one parent and need all the love they can get.

So there you go – five things to consider in the run up to Valentine’s Day as we are bombarded with the usual expectations to participate in a social madness. We can prove our love in many ways and in being widowed we have that rare opportunity to explore what it means to find and love ourselves FIRST before we get back into loving someone else.

Hope this helps!

Heather Xx


  1. From A Widows Perspective

    Help? How about all inspiring! This first Valentines without Ted I was not looking forward to, especially since it also was our very special anniversary of when he finally got me to agree to go out with him which led to 38 years of Valentines anniversaries. But reading your post, I now have some ideas. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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