About Me

I am a Widowed parent aged forty one and counting. Mother to one teenage daughter and one primary school son. Considering the demographic I know I should list my interests to include drinking copious amounts of wine and it being my best friend and so on, but the dark heart of the matter is that I drink whisky instead, (although not covertly from a hip flask at the school gates despite having been known to ponder that idea). I love playing guitar, reading, interior design, architecture, archery, miniatures, walking and my special party trick which is telling fortunes, (yup). I live and write in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, UK.

So what transpired?

At the age of thirty seven – just when I thought I was ready to start living my new life – I lost my husband to suicide in January 2016. Previous to that I was made legally homeless, faced a divorce, had that second baby ten years after the first, and watched a ton of less than salubrious stuff explode. Over the last seven years far too much happened. If you look up a hierarchy of the most stressful life events you will almost get a chronological breakdown of my last five years! But what some may view as regrets I know as the events that built the person I am today – someone with a lot more compassion for human life and all of its consequent suffering.

I have tried to start this blog many times but it has been so hard to continue. I either can’t find the tone or I struggle with the utter bloody rawness of everything. Writing has always been the chosen form of communication for me – talking is not my strongest love nor asset. But someone said to me “Why not just write in your everyday voice? Why not do it like you hear it?” and so here it is my inner monologue. The widow wailing – my succinct and not so succinct thoughts on overdrive.

Jeez – I hope you like it.

With much love to you, (because if you are reading this you probably need it),

Heather xox

some house rules

{ Comment me if you do or have something to say! I love to connect with people -if we have something in common please join in the threads. All comments are moderated to keep things on topic. This is as much of a parenting journal, (hasten to use the words – parenting blog), as it is a chronicle of what it is like to lose someone and to live with it. To be pushed into grief by invisible hands. We do touch on all aspects of that – we talk about suicide here and we talk about children and all of their wonderful and sometimes unfathomable ways. We talk about love and sex and the lack of both in a Widow’s life. We use swears. And we SHOUT when we need to. We touch on chronic illness and how to enjoy life as much as possible regardless. But what we don’t allow here is hate or prejudice. Everyone is welcome as long as they read the rules and leave their politics at the door. This is a blog about a real life lady person (me), with two kids in tow and ton of emotional baggage so constructive feedback welcome – needless trolling not so much. }